A year later the sun smiled and now I’m finally on track he thought. He smiled as he looked at her. All he wanted was to be lost in her eyes, those dark shimmering eyes and be lost forever. There was no hurt now, just a simple smile in those eyes. Oh, how much of hurt he had caused her. Just the thought of how he had betrayed her love made him nauseatically sorry. Pardon me for my sins, lord’ he prayed silently wondering if god would be listening to these prayers, ‘for the pain that I’ve caused to my beloved. My foolishness had these beautiful eyes vanish under the clouds of pain for long. Forgive my sins my lord. Forgive.’
He looked back again her, facing her beautiful naïve face. There she was, after all the pain he had caused her , still standing infront of him. ‘How much love is there for me in that heart? That it’s still ready to accept this man who betrayed the very love we shared.’ He thought feeling a sense of love and respect for her that he’d never felt. “I am sorry” he finally said. She muttered an almost silent reply, “lets go home” a tear drop appeared from the corner of her eye. He held her close in the chilling winter as they walked. He felt her warmth and said ‘god, I’m really heading home’
As he opened the door of their home, where once again they were going to lay the foundation of a trusting marriage, he kissed her. He felt those tender lips and kissed them like he was asking for forgiveness. He could together feel The remorse of leaving her and relief of her having forgiven him. A warmth was settling in him, freeing him of guilt. It was an explosion of happiness he could feel inside him.
Agape of the explosion he opened his eyes. There she was, after all the pain he had caused her, still standing infront of him with a gun in her hand. A stream of warm blood trickled from his forehead. As she muttered an almost silent prayer, ‘forgive me lord for my sin, for I could not forgive him…’

The man said, “I am not romantic and I cant express my love for you” and she smiled and said, “yes, its true. When you hug me, when you kiss me, when you feel so relieved and calm to finally hold me near, when you just want to listen to my voice, when you want to sit infront of me when I’m visiting the bathroom sick 10 times a day, when you tickle me, when you stop if it hurts, when you keep the call if my dad comes, when you crib about my cellphone, when you tell me I’ll stand next to you throughout, when you leave me to explore out alone, when ou make crazy plans to see me, when you see me from the auto while going, when you tell me to come down from my house at 12 in the night, when you really stand below my balcony at 12 in the night, when you come in shorts to eat an icecream, when oyu eat mcalu tikki with me, when while eating you criticize it, when you call me a brhamin, even more so when you ask the same Brahmin to marry you, when you call me short, when you call me a cat, when you make weird noises, when I understand the language behind these noises, when you try to dance just because I want to dance, when you want to save yourself till marriage, when you want to get married now, when you want to spend the night with me, when you leave a note saying ‘see you later sleeping beauty’ next to my coushion, when after that night watching me sleep becomes your favorite pastime, when you listen to all my problems, when you agree to see a crap movie with me, when later you laugh about it, when you leave your dinner and come to pick me up, when you light 19 candles for me, when you wear formals for me, when you make that face when you get late, when you let me take your picture, when you fantasise with me about our marriage plans, when you suddenely shout ‘what a cute girlfriend I have’ on the phone, when you say I cant express my love for you…. My darling, unknowingly, every minute you do….

distant friend

i think i'm losing out on u friend!

but i dont know how to help it

it seems like now u dont really listen to me

the smile looks fake

the eyes which once showed an emotion

are dry and neutral now

the silence is not golden

but rather an imaptient question

how long does this have to go on?

why such coldness?

why the feeling of being matter of fact?

i tried, i tried very hard to come back

but somehow its just impossible

u seem to have made up ur mind

happy with the new ones that u have

maybe i'm the old past

i'm not even trying now though it hurts

its ur decision, u've taken it

let the silence remain...

untill it hurts u...

master of the game

how do people achieve it? one day before the exam buy or rent the books, glance thorugh it and walk towards the exam hall.... and then chill.. with friends and ur girlfriend... one month later come to know that u've topped the subject...
next exam create a world record... dont even see the book's face... and enter the exam hall.. see the paper, write every single question with a smirk on ur face.. exit in one hour... call ur girlfriend and fix a meeting with her... chill with friends
(one month later the news comes... 30 in the paper u worte without ever looking at the book for once!)

pointless

losing has always been my fear and I think it always will be. U know me in and out, so u know I’m truly like a child. Insecure and scared. Innocent and dreamy. Mad and hopeful. Whoever I love the most, I’m scared of losing them. Cause that would take away a piece of my heart and the meaning of me. I will lose my strength too with him. And the thing or rather the problem is I love u like mad. I’m hopelessly in love with u. and I cant help it. I couldn’t help it from the very beginning. And now…… I’m so interwined with u that…. That I cant even find words now. I just know that there’s nothing without u.
u know me, death was always a obstacle to me. I would imagine my mom’s death and thought of ways to fight it. Coz I knew my life would be of no meaning then. Child as I was, young and stupid, I thought I would make a mummy of her. Bless me I think now that I could atleast fight it. Child as I am now, I imagine ur death. And be sursprised, my mind goes blank. It is a different thing for me, quite astonishing, coz me the thinker can surely cook up something. But no, no image comes infront, no thought, just a blank pause and from nowhere a tear rolles down. A warm tear….but the drop doesn’t soothe the already aching heart.
As silly as I sound, I know u think I’m mad. And u have every reason to think like that. I know I am mad. But madeness is the last thing u think about when u r deep down drowned in love. U just stay there… feeling it… it fills ur heart and then it fills u out…
I really do love u a lot. I dont know what words to stick here to express that. But u add meaing to my life rather u r my life. Cliché… cliché… cliché.. I know….
But tell me way to express it na… how do I express it when I lose a heartbeat when I see u… how do I express wat I feel when u hold me close…. How do I express the peace spreading in me when I look at u…how do I express the look on my face when I see a ring put on my ring finger… how do I express my mind so occupied with u… how do I express when I don’t take a virar train coz u told me… how do I express my long lost gaze when I’m thinking about u… how how how???? I am exploding with feeling right now…. And I cant find a single word to express them. All this is not a lie. I really am feeling too many feelings. U need to know how much I love u but I don’t know how. Can u feel it? Do u know already?
I know I’m not at all talking sense. Nothing of it makes sense. I know I’m not going to lose u and u already know how precious u r to me. Yes u know how much I love u cause u love me much more than that. But its just a prayer. And I don’t know why I’m praying like this and telling u all that. But I think I’m including u in my prayer. I’m praying not to let u go away. Stupidly, innocently. I’m praying that u always stay with me. And I should stay with u. I’m praying we should be together. I’m praying nothing should break us apart. U’re the most precious thing I’ve got. I need to cherish and love my vampire. And I need u. to comfort me, and just sit next to me. I have no more demands, hug me and just keep me there. Ur baby safely locked away. Its warm and cozy there and I feel like a cacoon. Nothing can touch me and nothing can ever possibly harm me there. And I like it there, I don’t ever want to get out from there.

That’s it, that’s the point of all this… don’t let me out of ur hug….

for the creep i love

i know now who you are
i know now why you are
in my life
in my herat
you are a soul born
apart but still
a part
to teach me the meaing
to soothe my wound paining
you are a drug lethal
addictive sweet poison
you run in my bood
making my body numb
you reach my heart
a bloody mess you are

i know now who you are
i know now why you are
in my life
in my heart
fighting and loving
you'll always be there
you'll never be apart
loving me, cherishing me
the very next moment
harming me, hurting me
in anger and in love
in frustration and in numb
in despair and in calm
you'll need to look at my eyes
the window to your soul
you'll need to hold my hand
to make you complete

the journey is written
we are to be together
we will teach
we will learn
we will live
the song of our fate unsung...

have you ever...?

have you ever been lost
to just find yourself?
have you ever stopped midway
to know you can go ahead?
have you ever breathed hard
to check if you're still alive?
have you ever smiled
to see if it still hurts?
have you ever loved enough
to give yourself away?
have you ever cared
to say a final goodbye?
have you ever made a promise
knowing you'll break away?
and then have you justified
saying it had to happen?
have you ever felt guilty
of the chance you gave away?
have you ever wished a moment back
knowing its lost forever?
have you ever lived your life
thinking it is just today...?