pointless

losing has always been my fear and I think it always will be. U know me in and out, so u know I’m truly like a child. Insecure and scared. Innocent and dreamy. Mad and hopeful. Whoever I love the most, I’m scared of losing them. Cause that would take away a piece of my heart and the meaning of me. I will lose my strength too with him. And the thing or rather the problem is I love u like mad. I’m hopelessly in love with u. and I cant help it. I couldn’t help it from the very beginning. And now…… I’m so interwined with u that…. That I cant even find words now. I just know that there’s nothing without u.
u know me, death was always a obstacle to me. I would imagine my mom’s death and thought of ways to fight it. Coz I knew my life would be of no meaning then. Child as I was, young and stupid, I thought I would make a mummy of her. Bless me I think now that I could atleast fight it. Child as I am now, I imagine ur death. And be sursprised, my mind goes blank. It is a different thing for me, quite astonishing, coz me the thinker can surely cook up something. But no, no image comes infront, no thought, just a blank pause and from nowhere a tear rolles down. A warm tear….but the drop doesn’t soothe the already aching heart.
As silly as I sound, I know u think I’m mad. And u have every reason to think like that. I know I am mad. But madeness is the last thing u think about when u r deep down drowned in love. U just stay there… feeling it… it fills ur heart and then it fills u out…
I really do love u a lot. I dont know what words to stick here to express that. But u add meaing to my life rather u r my life. Cliché… cliché… cliché.. I know….
But tell me way to express it na… how do I express it when I lose a heartbeat when I see u… how do I express wat I feel when u hold me close…. How do I express the peace spreading in me when I look at u…how do I express the look on my face when I see a ring put on my ring finger… how do I express my mind so occupied with u… how do I express when I don’t take a virar train coz u told me… how do I express my long lost gaze when I’m thinking about u… how how how???? I am exploding with feeling right now…. And I cant find a single word to express them. All this is not a lie. I really am feeling too many feelings. U need to know how much I love u but I don’t know how. Can u feel it? Do u know already?
I know I’m not at all talking sense. Nothing of it makes sense. I know I’m not going to lose u and u already know how precious u r to me. Yes u know how much I love u cause u love me much more than that. But its just a prayer. And I don’t know why I’m praying like this and telling u all that. But I think I’m including u in my prayer. I’m praying not to let u go away. Stupidly, innocently. I’m praying that u always stay with me. And I should stay with u. I’m praying we should be together. I’m praying nothing should break us apart. U’re the most precious thing I’ve got. I need to cherish and love my vampire. And I need u. to comfort me, and just sit next to me. I have no more demands, hug me and just keep me there. Ur baby safely locked away. Its warm and cozy there and I feel like a cacoon. Nothing can touch me and nothing can ever possibly harm me there. And I like it there, I don’t ever want to get out from there.

That’s it, that’s the point of all this… don’t let me out of ur hug….

for the creep i love

i know now who you are
i know now why you are
in my life
in my herat
you are a soul born
apart but still
a part
to teach me the meaing
to soothe my wound paining
you are a drug lethal
addictive sweet poison
you run in my bood
making my body numb
you reach my heart
a bloody mess you are

i know now who you are
i know now why you are
in my life
in my heart
fighting and loving
you'll always be there
you'll never be apart
loving me, cherishing me
the very next moment
harming me, hurting me
in anger and in love
in frustration and in numb
in despair and in calm
you'll need to look at my eyes
the window to your soul
you'll need to hold my hand
to make you complete

the journey is written
we are to be together
we will teach
we will learn
we will live
the song of our fate unsung...

have you ever...?

have you ever been lost
to just find yourself?
have you ever stopped midway
to know you can go ahead?
have you ever breathed hard
to check if you're still alive?
have you ever smiled
to see if it still hurts?
have you ever loved enough
to give yourself away?
have you ever cared
to say a final goodbye?
have you ever made a promise
knowing you'll break away?
and then have you justified
saying it had to happen?
have you ever felt guilty
of the chance you gave away?
have you ever wished a moment back
knowing its lost forever?
have you ever lived your life
thinking it is just today...?

this is the most romantic poem i've ever written!

the darkness fell in silenece

and somewhere

two hearts lit in extacy

her dark tresses fell on his chest

a silky youch of conspiracy

a warm embrace of the bodies

brought the two souls together

now they lay in tranquility

holding one another

listening to their heartbeats echoing

a rythm to which

dancing was their flame of love

a gentle caress of his hand

on her shivering body

spoke the words unspoken

lucky that she thought she was

loved truly by a man

made a reaffirming nod in his arms

her lips smiled

to the memory of their kiss

sighing to how she had become

a slave to her own heart...

i dont know what's happening to me. my heart is crying one moment, the other it is all happy. its is silent one moment, the other its asking me many questions. i am restless and suddenly a calm spreads over me. i am gaining i am losing. i am winning and i'm falling.
a weird silence has taken me over. something is changing in me... i just have to await now...