pointless

losing has always been my fear and I think it always will be. U know me in and out, so u know I’m truly like a child. Insecure and scared. Innocent and dreamy. Mad and hopeful. Whoever I love the most, I’m scared of losing them. Cause that would take away a piece of my heart and the meaning of me. I will lose my strength too with him. And the thing or rather the problem is I love u like mad. I’m hopelessly in love with u. and I cant help it. I couldn’t help it from the very beginning. And now…… I’m so interwined with u that…. That I cant even find words now. I just know that there’s nothing without u.
u know me, death was always a obstacle to me. I would imagine my mom’s death and thought of ways to fight it. Coz I knew my life would be of no meaning then. Child as I was, young and stupid, I thought I would make a mummy of her. Bless me I think now that I could atleast fight it. Child as I am now, I imagine ur death. And be sursprised, my mind goes blank. It is a different thing for me, quite astonishing, coz me the thinker can surely cook up something. But no, no image comes infront, no thought, just a blank pause and from nowhere a tear rolles down. A warm tear….but the drop doesn’t soothe the already aching heart.
As silly as I sound, I know u think I’m mad. And u have every reason to think like that. I know I am mad. But madeness is the last thing u think about when u r deep down drowned in love. U just stay there… feeling it… it fills ur heart and then it fills u out…
I really do love u a lot. I dont know what words to stick here to express that. But u add meaing to my life rather u r my life. Cliché… cliché… cliché.. I know….
But tell me way to express it na… how do I express it when I lose a heartbeat when I see u… how do I express wat I feel when u hold me close…. How do I express the peace spreading in me when I look at u…how do I express the look on my face when I see a ring put on my ring finger… how do I express my mind so occupied with u… how do I express when I don’t take a virar train coz u told me… how do I express my long lost gaze when I’m thinking about u… how how how???? I am exploding with feeling right now…. And I cant find a single word to express them. All this is not a lie. I really am feeling too many feelings. U need to know how much I love u but I don’t know how. Can u feel it? Do u know already?
I know I’m not at all talking sense. Nothing of it makes sense. I know I’m not going to lose u and u already know how precious u r to me. Yes u know how much I love u cause u love me much more than that. But its just a prayer. And I don’t know why I’m praying like this and telling u all that. But I think I’m including u in my prayer. I’m praying not to let u go away. Stupidly, innocently. I’m praying that u always stay with me. And I should stay with u. I’m praying we should be together. I’m praying nothing should break us apart. U’re the most precious thing I’ve got. I need to cherish and love my vampire. And I need u. to comfort me, and just sit next to me. I have no more demands, hug me and just keep me there. Ur baby safely locked away. Its warm and cozy there and I feel like a cacoon. Nothing can touch me and nothing can ever possibly harm me there. And I like it there, I don’t ever want to get out from there.

That’s it, that’s the point of all this… don’t let me out of ur hug….